Unfinished Business: Screaming on the Hilltop

**Unfinished Business pieces are blurbs that I started to write but never really explored**

I sat in the dirt on top of a dark hill, looking out over an expanse of lights that made up the city below, and finally allowed the tears to rush like a river through a broken dam.

From way up here the world seemed quiet and safe, but I knew better. I knew that down below these hills stretched a city full of broken promises and shattered dreams; it was a city crawling with the consequences of such heartbreak. Violence, deceit and death crowded so many corners of the labyrinthine streets below that just the thought of making my way back down into that abyss set my insides to trembling.

I must have been out of my mind to come here, to leave all that I had known for the past 15 years and start out on this dangerous journey with an impossible goal. But I had to do it…and I knew that. Despite that I was freezing cold, starving, and afraid for my life I knew that I was still happier in that condition sitting on that hill than I would have been curled up on the couch back home with a full meal before me and my favorite shows on the television. I had failed in my quest, but not in my intent. It was true that I had not accomplished what I had set out to achieve, but I had won in the end anyway because I had tried. I had given it my best shot, and for the first time in my life I really knew that…I felt accomplishment. Why, then had I felt this ache in my chest all day, building against my rib cage until I felt like screaming? I had made the hour and a half hike up the hill to this spot for just that reason, to scream…to unleash all of the confusing emotions that seemed pent up in the very coils of my intestine, that gripped my heart like a vice…to scream until my throat became raw, to raise both fists to the sky and dare any higher being to knock me down.

Instead, I had reached my destination out of breath, dripping sweat and feeling defeated. I had crumpled to the earth, dropped to my knees, hanged my head and silently sobbed. Not at all what I had imagined doing when setting out for the climb up, but my emotions had been nothing if not erratic and completely unpredictable so why wouldn’t my behavior reflect the same?

In the distance before me, on the horizon, the sun gave its last encore before finally succumbing to the coming night, seemingly submerging itself into the now pitch black waters of the Pacific Ocean. The sky quickly changed from deep blue to an inky black, and all at once the lights of the city grew exponentially brighter. It was then too that the hill around me suddenly lit up as large round lamps came to life behind me, pointing at different angles in upward positions. The electricity hummed loudly in my ears where it had been silent only moments before. I stood, brushed the dirt from my jeans and turned, tilting my head back to take in the view.

I suddenly wondered then if anyone could see me all the way up here…just a black silhouette standing against the large white letters of the famous Hollywood Sign.